F*Off Coffee Co.
WTF DO I ORDER? — Sampler Bundle
WTF DO I ORDER? — Sampler Bundle
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Not sure where to start? Good. Neither were we.
We picked three of our most popular roasts — one dark, one medium-dark, one light — so you can figure out which one you actually like before committing. Three full 12oz bags. One box. Zero regrets.
- GO FCK YOURSELF — Dark roast. Bold, bittersweet chocolate, full body.
- DEAD INSIDE — Medium-dark blend. Four countries, zero apologies.
- MANDATORY FUN — Light roast. Fruity, citrus, annoyingly good.
Available in ground only. Because if you're still figuring out what coffee you like, you probably don't own a grinder yet.
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Tasting Profile
Light-Medium
A smooth light-medium roast with rich chocolate, maple, and plum notes complemented by apple sweetness and black tea undertones. The medium body and vibrant plum-like acidity showcase the exceptional terroir of Guatemala's volcanic highlands.
Origin & Region
Guatemala, Huehuetenango/Antigua
Huehuetenango is one of Guatemala's highest and driest coffee regions, known for its rugged terrain, limestone-rich soils, and high-quality smallholder production. These natural conditions help develop dense, sweet coffees with vibrant acidity. Antigua, located in a valley surrounded by three volcanoes, offers rich volcanic soil and a stable climate, ideal for producing coffees with exceptional balance, body, and sweetness.
Altitude & Processing
1,500-2,000 MASL (meters above sea level)
Washed processing method from the high-altitude regions of Huehuetenango and Antigua enhances the clean, bright flavors characteristic of Guatemala's premier coffee-producing areas. The careful fermentation and washing process removes the fruit mucilage, allowing the complex chocolate, fruit, and tea-like characteristics to shine through with exceptional clarity.
Blend Composition
Bourbon, Typica, Caturra
Premium Guatemalan Arabica varietals that thrive in high-altitude volcanic soils. Bourbon offers a sweet, balanced profile with notes of red fruit and chocolate; Caturra brings bright acidity and citrusy vibrancy; while Typica provides clean structure and complexity. These heritage varietals work together to create the distinctive Guatemalan profile of chocolate sweetness, fruit complexity, and tea-like finish that defines this exceptional origin.